Have you been in a toxic relationship? or have you been rejected by someone then this blog is for you.
“Rejection is a word that I don’t wanna know. But a “Boy” like you kill a “Girl” real slow (humming the song). "
OKAY I am doing this again! What time is it anyway? 3Am? 4Am? Never mind, I lost track of it. Thanks to these “thoughts” that never fail to knock my door every night. I wonder if thoughts really had an alarm system or an algorithm set to knock at your door every night.
Before they get worse, I must share them with someone. “Wait! What if that someone judged me?”. Argh! Here comes the “what if” the very own companion or partner in crime of “thoughts”. And surprisingly neither of them comes with a solution. C’mon its 21st century and we have google to answer any question, isn’t it? I picked up my phone to answer all the “what if’s” tonight, only to distract myself by an Instagram notification “ – Has posted first time after a while” DAMN IT!
How could I possibly tell someone that I have been rejected by someone whom I had a huge crush on for 3 years or you could call it “love” because it exceeded 4 months? But what if they mocked me? What if I am just exaggerating my thoughts, I mean big deal, “a guy rejected me! So what? I can find someone new”. OKAY not happening! I read somewhere, the best way to get rid of your thoughts is to share it with someone. Maybe I can, with my secret diary? Again! What if, someone read it? I know there is no possibility for that to happen unless, I give the key of that diary to that person, BUT WHAT IF!
A while later, I find myself scrolling through his Instagram (scrolling) one last time would not harm. “I am a stalker and I’ve seen all of your posts ah-ah” (subconsciously humming the song) oh Shit! NO! NO! I am not a stalker! Okay! I might have been one, but I swear it was only social media stalking, an amateurish one, I swear I am not one anymore.
I have decided to consult a psychiatrist the next morning before these thoughts get any worse and make me fall for him all over again. “Do you think he would consider it this time?” I mean its been 3 years already. OKAY! NOW EXACTLY NOW I want them to just terminate!
Reading a book might help. [30 minutes into the book] oh boy! Why is this story so relatable? You know what, I give up! Why is it always you come across some very relatable content, exactly when you do not want it? Again, isn’t this how life is? The more you run away from it the more it chases you leaving you with no path to abscond into.
[phone buzzed] the same old Airtel advertisement “blah blah This is your last chance” which I probably would have ignored but today it was the opposite. I had to pay attention to this to distract myself from the crazy thoughts. Little did I realize my eyes were stuck onto that one little word “Last chance”. May be, it is a sign telling me to live in the present, leaving the behind the past. This could be my last chance to come out of this loop and start loving of what I have. yes! This is the path I want to abscond into.
“Starting tomorrow I am going to live in the present and relish every bit of it, I swear!” I know its not going to be easy but taking the first step is all it takes [I smile] [ phone buzzed again] This time it was not a message or Instagram notification, it was my alarm which said “6:00 am”.
“AND MY TOMORROW HAS BEGAN” ^^
Author
Haritha Bhatta
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